WELCOME, RECRUITS
Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Tactical Weapons Assault Team Specialist training facility.
Congratulations on passing your physical and theory training courses, psychological exams and weapons training courses. You have all done well.
Please take your seats and we will begin.
COMMANDER ON DECK
Okay, recruits. My name is Commander Richard Long, but you can all call me Dick. That's the short version of Richard.
However, don't think you can be funny and get away with calling me Short Dick.
Yes, I know. It's immature and hilarious.
My name is Dick Long.
Now that's out of the way, let's talk Tactical Weapons Assault Team Specialists.
THE ORGANISATION
Here we use the acronym T.W.A.T.S.
So from now on, you will collectively be referred to as TWATS.
As an organisation, TWATS came together in 69.
My father was a TWAT. His father a TWAT. My brother is a TWAT. Most members of my family are TWATS.
We are proud to be TWATS.
ENEMY INTELLIGENCE
There is an ongoing war with the Conditieri Underworld Narco-Terrorist Trained Soldiers.
Yes, you've guessed it. Or you should have.
C.U.N.T.S.
Their organisation is also named The White Company, as they deal in a highly addictive white powdery substance known as High Intense Trip, or H.I.T.
Its leader is known by the name Giovanni Akuto. It is unknown if this is his real name. We do not know what he looks like.
It is rumoured that he used to be a member of a special forces unit. However, this is just a rumour and may well be untrue.
FIELD DOCTRINE
We know from experience first hand that the CUNTS are slippery.
They can take a severe hammering and keep coming back for more.
They can handle two people simultaneously, depending on their size.
If you are faced with an unusually large CUNT, it is advisable to team up into a group of three, tackle that CUNT as a team, take precautions and always wear protection.
KNOW YOUR C.U.N.T.S.
CUNTS are liars, cheats, thieves and masters of deception.
They will do whatever it takes to drain a person or organisation of its wealth and resources, and they are rapacious.
It's not a matter of if, but when you come face to face with a CUNT.
So my advice to you all is that you had better be prepared to make sure you give any CUNT you encounter a severe quick licking.
Otherwise they will make sure you go down.
CLOSE QUARTERS
I've seen the aftermath of some of our operatives who were hesitant to sort the CUNT out properly, and it's not pretty.
As I've said, they are slippery, sneaky and will take every advantage they can get.
So you must never hesitate and be fully prepared to deal with that CUNT as quickly as possible.
That may include, if need be, using fists, elbows and feet, especially up close.
From a distance, make sure to utilise all the weaponry at your disposal if you want to come home alive.
IDENTIFICATION
Our intelligence network has reported that many CUNTS prefer to be completely shaven, brandishing tattoos as insignias identifying which narco-terrorist cell they belong to.
We have only a handful of photographs of the tattoos on some of these CUNTS.
DISMISSED
Next time I meet with you TWATS, you should have been briefed and prepared for your first mission.
For now, you are dismissed.
Get some well-deserved rest. You are all going to need it.
And make sure to be on time for the mission.